Posted on May 18th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any
questions.
She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”
The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to
describe pain.”
“I know, but can’t you give me some idea?,” she asks.
“Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little…”
“Like this?”
“A little more…”
“Like this?”
“No. A little more…”
“Like this?”
“Yes. Does that hurt?”
“A little bit.”
“Now stretch it over your head!”
Posted on May 17th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, “I don’t know, I’m only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling.” He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. “Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better.”
“Really?” answered the doctor, “I don’t understand it. My maid said to use hot water.”
Posted on May 16th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes An old lady fell down the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put it in a cast and warned her not to walk up and down the stairs. The leg was slow in meding. Finally, after six months, the doctor announced it was all right to remove the cast.
“Can I climb the stairs now?” asked the old lady.
“Yes” answered the doctor.
“Oh, I’m so glad,” she smiled. “I’m sick of climbing up and down the drainpipe all the time.
Toward the end of their senior year in high school, students were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice.
Rescue Anne was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case.
The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of the students gently shook the doll and asked, “Are you all right?” He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly, the student turned to the instructor and exclaimed, “She says she can’t feel her legs!”
Posted on May 14th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes I had an elderly female patient who had every thing but the kitchen sink in her purse. She didn’t want her ‘regular doctor’
called about this ER visit, she liked her bone doctor better. But she couldn’t remember his name. She searched and searched
through her overflowing purse, saying to herself “Arthur, Arthur, Arthur somebody. Oh! here it is! Dr Arthur Pedic!”
Posted on May 13th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes Three old men are at the doctor’s office to take a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old guy, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply.
The doctor worriedly says to the second old man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday” replies the second man.
The doctor sadly says to the third one, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three”? “Nine” says the third old man.
“That’s great!” exclaims the doctor. “How did you get that”?
“That was easy Doc, “I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”
Posted on May 12th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes There was this guy that went to the doctor to get his sperm counted. The lady behind the desk handed him a jar and said, “Bring it back tomorrow, full.” He says, “Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow then.”
Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar.
She says, “Nothing’s in it.” The man responds, “Well, I went home and I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happened. I called my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand. Nothing still happened. Well, we called our neighbor and she came over, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand, and still nothing happened.
And the woman behind the counter looked stunned and asked, “You asked your neighbor over to help you!?” And he says, “Yeah, we couldn’t get the jar open.”
A distraught man ran into the doctor’s office. “Doc!” The man screamed, “I’ve lost my memory!” “When did this happen?” asked the doctor. The man looked at him and said, “When did what happen?”
A man with a banana stuck in his ear and a green bean stuffed up each nostril walks into the doctor’s office. The doctor looks at him and asks what he can do for him. “Doctor, I just haven’t been feeling well lately.” “Well, I can see you are not eating right.”
Posted on May 9th, 2012 by tracan in
Jokes An elderly man complains to his wife about feeling a little worse for wear and after a lot of persuasion agrees to go and see a doctor. The doctor checks him out and asks the man to return a few days later for the results. The doctor turns to the patient and says, “I have some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is that you have terminal cancer, polio and have tested HIV+. But the good news is you also have Alzheimer disease so in about 10 seconds you’ll have completely forgotten about it.” “Ooh good” said the patient. “What was the bad news then?”